From eight o’clock this morning until ten o’clock I talked on the phone with Karen, a Sallie Mae representative. She is Southern in the obvious ways - accent, sweetheart calling, and patient. She explained to me that I was delinquent in the way I imagine an aunt or a cousin might, but still, it didn’t keep me from yelling at her once or twice and stopping her mid sentence to say again and again that I do not understand. It turns out they have some missing paperwork and so I’ve used up some grace period that I shouldn’t have been using up, which meant, that the hour I graduated I should have already been making payments on my 25,000 dollar loan. To which I asked her, how does one expect someone who just graduated to make 400 dollar/month payments? She didn’t really say anything, just kept apologizing in that annoying way people do when there isn’t a helpful and honest answer.
She also let me know, in her charming way, that I had requested a foreberance on my loan but it had not yet been completed because the stupid people who I originally talked to did not complete the process. At first, I could tell she was saying shame on me, but after looking through and realizing it was their mistake, she was thinking shame on her. She kept apologizing and then asked me questions all to which I said no, because in all honesty I have NO money in my bank account right now and NO steady income. I tried to explain to her that my credit card information was taken and so I have had 400+ dollars taken from my bank account and currently am running on cash I happened to have about the house. I have no car, thus pay for no gas. I have no bills or utilities because I’m still living at home. I do not pay for my food, my mother does. So now, I am broke, jobless, boyfriend-less, and delinquent.
She finally read off what was supposed to be read off when I originally attempted to do foreberance and I’m realizing I still don’t understand half of what she is saying – interest capitalizing, etc, etc. It all sounds horrible and all I know is that in the end I’ll probably be paying more money than I should be, more money than I actually have. By the end of the conversation she’s stopped treating me like a delinquent and more like a person. She’s stopped talking to me in the way that says, “Shame on you for not being responsible” and it softens me up a bit until all I want to do is cry. I know she can hear it in my voice and so she just keeps saying sorry and telling me to put my chin up, at least I studied nursing , not English. But they’re all empty words anyway, because not even she understands what to do about my situation and can’t grant me any promises as to sorting it all out. In the end, you still get a bill in the mail and I know she’s on the end of the line really thinking, “My word, poor girl, glad I’m not her.” Yes, it’s people in my financial situation and my mother’s financial situation that are examples for others. We are the people you know and think to yourself, I am glad that I don’t have to deal with that.
I am soon to be 23 and in debt. There is something incredibly sad about that.
P.S. More on the trip later - got back Monday and all I’ve had time to deal with is life.
